Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Note to Myself No. 30

When we want something
and hesitate to make our desires known,
by starting, then stopping ourselves
by saying "Never mind,"
either to the person to whom
 our communication was directed
or to ourselves,
we engage in self-sabotage.

I've read that saying "never mind"
or similar things that blanket our truth
is something that people learn in families
where an individual's truth is unwelcome.

That seems especially likely
in situations where one's role in the family
is to smooth things over
and keep the peace.

Speaking your truth involves risk.

When you're asking for something you need,
the risk is that you will be rebuffed,
that you will be told that you can't have
what you're asking for.

Or even worse,
that you'll be ignored.

Speaking up when you've been silent too long
risks creating an uncomfortable shift
in relationship dynamics,
with all the uncertainty and possible conflict
that accompany even slight variations
in the status quo.

The next time you hear yourself say
"Never mind" out loud
or even catch yourself thinking it,



what am I afraid of?
What am I avoiding?
What's the worst thing that could happen
if I speak my truth or make a request
or state my opinion.
Does this behavior serve me
or is it time to try something new?

Then listen for the answers.
They're part of your truth as well.

1 comment:

She Who Doodles said...

you are so wise. i tend to use it when i know i'm going to have to explain myself and i just don't want to go there.