Note to Myself No. 30

When we want something

and hesitate to make our desires known,

by starting, then stopping ourselves

by saying "Never mind,"

either to the person to whom

 our communication was directed

or to ourselves,

we engage in self-sabotage.

I've read that saying "never mind"

or similar things that blanket our truth

is something that people learn in families

where an individual's truth is unwelcome.

That seems especially likely

in situations where one's role in the family

is to smooth things over

and keep the peace.

Speaking your truth involves risk.

When you're asking for something you need,

the risk is that you will be rebuffed,

that you will be told that you can't have

what you're asking for.

Or even worse,

that you'll be ignored.

Speaking up when you've been silent too long

risks creating an uncomfortable shift

in relationship dynamics,

with all the uncertainty and possible conflict

that accompany even slight variations

in the status quo.

The next time you hear yourself say

"Never mind" out loud

or even catch yourself thinking it,

notice.

Wonder

what am I afraid of?

What am I avoiding?

What's the worst thing that could happen

if I speak my truth or make a request

or state my opinion.

Does this behavior serve me

or is it time to try something new?

Then listen for the answers.

They're part of your truth as well.