Here's the wisdom I've come to.
If somebody breaks your heart
by engaging in behavior that he/she knows
will hurt you if you discover it,
that's heartbreak with malice aforethought,
as we lawyers would say.
I'd rank it as first degree felony heartbreak
(maybe with aggravating circumstances,
depending on whether it was a first or
In other words,
he/she knew that the conduct would inflict
grave emotional harm upon you,
but chose nevertheless
to do what they wanted.
Even if pigs fly,
a heart-breaker like that
doesn't deserve another chance.
The old "when he knows better, he'll do better"
just doesn't apply when he/she knew all along
that he/she was violating your trust
and the rules that operate
in the background of every relationship.
just isn't enough
in a "we" situation.
If you find yourself wavering,
read this again,
then call me for coaching.