The Love of My Life
One of my dearest friends made an observation in a conversation not long ago that's bothered me a lot. She said, of my former husband, "He was the love of your life. You completely and totally adored him."
And yes, she's right. I did adore him. Utterly.
I loved his scent, the texture of his skin, the sound of his voice, how gifted he was at working with people. His soft green eyes melted my heart. My heart skipped a beat when he came through the door. He made the best Spaghetti Carbonara, Veal Scallopini, and Fettucini Alfredo I've eaten anywhere, including in Italy. His touch undid me, made me shiver with delight. He provided amply for our family and was generous with friends and family. There were times when he made me feel so loved, though now I wonder if that was just illusion created by a master manipulator because so much of his secret behavior was inconsistent with loving me and actively undermined our marriage. In any event, his good points as well as the intensity of love I felt for him frankly are a yardstick by which it's all-too-tempting to measure other men and find them wanting. I'm consciously working on that because I need to create new metrics.
"Destiny" copyright 2005 Meri Arnett-Kremian.But her observation rattled me to my core. Not the adoration part -- that's just a statement of fact. It's the other part that pierced my heart.
Was he, in fact, "the love" of my life?
Does that mean that in our whole lives, we only get one chance at great, grand passion and it's all downhill from there? Are there no do-overs?
Does that mean I'll have to wait until another lifetime to know the kind of love I felt for him? Will I never be wrapped in the arms of someone who loves me as utterly as I love him in return? Will I never lie sleeping with my back nestled up against Mr. Right's chest like spoons in a drawer, simultaneously dreaming the same dream?
That hardly seems fair.
Is there hope? Or is she right?
Because if she's right, I need to shed a few tears, cancel the dating services, and realize there's more to life than kissing frogs. Not that I've kissed any lately.
Comments
Of course we are capable of influencing many things.
I figure meeting possible love interests is akin the job-resume process. You can send resumes to many places - and usually never hear from them because so many others are also doing the same front door approach.
But there's always a backdoor - someone knows someone, introductions are made and 'wham' a new job. And there's assertive approach.
If I'm interested in hanging out with nature lovers I'll join that type of club ... want the company of bike riders that too is an easy process.
Setting one self in motion is the key. Results? Who knows? By effort and attempts we usually end up in unexpected places and often that is enough.
It's tough, not looking back - but doing so usually means no forward motion.
The ex is history.
I think your ex-husband was the love of your life... AT a certain time of your life and now your life is different...
and maybe it's only different because he is no longer a part of it...but whatever the case, I believe in my heart of hearts, that love is waiting for all of us as long as we open ourselves up to receive it..
looking for love must be so hard...I can't imagine...which is why I think we just have to let it fall into our laps and be surprised when it's sitting right there in front of us :)
there will be a man in your life again...and he will love you for you are becoming !
No one knows what's next or how much more you might love next time around. For heaven's sake.
I relish the phrase "creating new metrics" i believe life (and love)is a constant work in progress..blessings to you my friend!
You are very brave and honest in the way that you are tackling these questions.
Both Bonnie and Mark have spoken for me. The best thing is that you have found you and love that new you...
He was a reference point for love in the past.
Someone different will become that now...
Happy days
However I do believe in chemistry and two passions don't have to be identical in flavour for both to be superb.
Its like transformative moments, we can have more than one.
this is making me write something in my head....
You collect words? Get out your West Legal dictionary. Look up the word "regard" as related to the n. of "respect". Then look to see if any of those words, including "regard", are listed under the word "love".
I think you will find that you must be careful in designating someone from your past as the "love of your life", unless you can truthfully say that your relationship was consistently built upon that elusive high "regard" for one another.
Sadly, I think that kind of love is rare; yet is is exactly the kind of love we all aspire to have.
- a former student of yours who is glad to see your artistry in print.