Friday, October 15, 2010

First Stab at 55 Word Flash Fiction



Revisionist memories of
our first romantic getaway
when love held such sway:
cliffs plunging into watery depths
at the edge of the continent,
sky and water merging
somewhere beyond. 



Holding hands, poking around
galleries in Carmel,
me imagining forever.
You, professing undying love,
secretly believing you'd find someone
better if you kept your options open. 


15 comments:

~JarieLyn~ said...

Wow, Meri. That's amazing. Very powerful. You definitely have a way with words. I want to hear more.

Titanium said...

Oh.... Woman. This packs a gut-punch the likes of which I haven't felt since the fourth grade. '...secretly kept on looking.' just nails me upside the head with a cosmic 2x4.

I knew someone like that, once. And he did. (keep on looking) I believe he just divorced wife number three and is living with girlfriend number 19.

Powerfully, vividly, poignantly written.

Meri said...

JarieLyn - I think I'll try some more of these. They're kind of fun and it's challenging to pare down until you have exactly 55 words.

Titanium: These guys are extremely toxic and at the same time, highly alluring as they tend to be bright, successful, entrepreneurial, and oh so charming. They know how to act like men in love, but their narcissism guarantees that they can't feel the real thing. I feel sorry for your old "friend's" wife and girlfriends, because men like this can do enormous damage to their victims. The disparity between reality and the image they deliberately create and project is crazy-making.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

pared down but bull of meaning and beauty!!

Jeannie said...

Ha! Guys like him were just never attracted to me. They could tell right off that I was not arm candy.

Expat From Hell said...

I think this one is hard for males to read, honestly. You are soothed into the beauty of your words, and then kicked between the legs. Maybe that's the center of thought, after all. Extremely well done. EFH

beth said...

deep and powerful and filled with questions....

raji said...

beautiful..is this picture from bigsur?

Southwest Arkie said...

Wow, shebang! I was moving right along and then boom!

Jannie Funster said...

This is really a treat to read, such fine writing, Meri. Really packs a whallop. Grabbed my gut that last part did.

moondustwriter said...

That a great first stab at a 55.

Carmel has to be the perfect place for romance, looking and more looking.

moon smiles

Monkey Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Monkey Man said...

Powerful indeed. You are right. There are people out there - men and woean - who are always looking for that next "better opportunity".

My 55 is HERE .

G-Man said...

Meri...
What a fantastic love story.
Excellent 55 My Friend.
I hope you found this to be challenging, creative and Fun.
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Meri said...

Kim: Thanks. It's fun to let details create a narrative.

Jeannie: There are mysterious forces of attraction bringing people together -- that can't sustain some relationships.

Kent/Expat from Hell, Beth, Southwest Arkie, Jannie and Monkey Man: You all got this piece. A few must have stopped reading before the end. Short attention spans?

Moonduster: Carmel is a perfect place for romance. It helps if both people are invested in a future together, however.

G-man: Not exactly a love story. More like a mismatch mishap.