If things were different, this would be a day for celebration.
A 30th anniversary.
But it's just another day in a string of days
since things are just the way they are.
I've constructed the narrative, can tell you the little "why"
that explains what caused me to draw the line,
the story behind his choices. I've even concocted a
plausible answer to "How could I have been so stupid?"
I still don't grasp the cosmic Why.
Did I need to emerge from his shadow
for my creativity to flourish
and find its full expression?
Did I need to cease being, in his words,
"the perfect wife" in order
to be perfectly myself?
Or is the Cosmic Why,
like our marriage,
about him and making him happy?
Letting him be the star. . .
Perhaps cosmic answers
by the choices we make.
Perhaps there ARE no cosmic answers.
As for me, I'll be making Mango Margaritas
for book club tonight.
Let's raise a glass
to loving what is and letting go of
what might have been and what never was,
except in my mind.
And to my ultimate happiness
in the cosmic scheme of things.