For My Dear Rebecca

This morning I woke to find a message
from a friend, sharing her family's heartbreak
over the death of a beloved nephew by his own hand.
They are devastated, reeling, full of questions,
the kinds of questions that have no answers.

Questions that begin with "Why, God?"
and spread out from there
in concentric circles of grief.


My own dark nights never took me so close
to the edge of the abyss
that the leap into oblivion seemed the only answer.

Somehow I held tightly enough onto hope
in the midst of seeming hopelessness
that I avoided being sucked into the vortex.

By some measure of grace,
I held onto the certainty that I'd find
my way out of the darkness and back to the light.

"Visitation" - copyright 2009 Meri Arnett-Kremian

This poor soul must have been unable
to absorb the love that his family
and friends offered so abundantly.

This lost soul must have believed
there was no light to find his way back to,
that oblivion was the answer.

Why do some of us find the will to go on,
not knowing when (or if) things will get better,
and others
just
let
go?

Where is the dividing line between pain that's unbearable
and pain that can be endured just for today,
and enough "today"s in a row
that it eventually subsides
and becomes a deep well
from which to draw
wisdom
compassion
creativity?

****

Words can't
express how sorry I am
for your family's loss
and the pain left in its terrible aftermath.
Be well, my friend.


p.s. Now that Rebecca has commented
and I know I haven't overstepped,
please see her incredible post
Beautiful Soul.

She is an extraordinary artist,
both in the traditional sense
and in her extraordinary ability with words.
She's also a most tender heart
and will be spearheading another shrine auction
again this year.
Stay tuned for details.