Friday, July 24, 2009

For My Dear Rebecca


This morning I woke to find a message
from a friend, sharing her family's heartbreak
over the death of a beloved nephew by his own hand.
They are devastated, reeling, full of questions,
the kinds of questions that have no answers.

Questions that begin with "Why, God?"
and spread out from there
in concentric circles of grief.


My own dark nights never took me so close
to the edge of the abyss
that the leap into oblivion seemed the only answer.

Somehow I held tightly enough onto hope
in the midst of seeming hopelessness
that I avoided being sucked into the vortex.

By some measure of grace,
I held onto the certainty that I'd find
my way out of the darkness and back to the light.

"Visitation" - copyright 2009 Meri Arnett-Kremian

This poor soul must have been unable
to absorb the love that his family
and friends offered so abundantly.

This lost soul must have believed
there was no light to find his way back to,
that oblivion was the answer.

Why do some of us find the will to go on,
not knowing when (or if) things will get better,
and others
just
let
go?

Where is the dividing line between pain that's unbearable
and pain that can be endured just for today,
and enough "today"s in a row
that it eventually subsides
and becomes a deep well
from which to draw
wisdom
compassion
creativity?

****

Words can't
express how sorry I am
for your family's loss
and the pain left in its terrible aftermath.
Be well, my friend.


p.s. Now that Rebecca has commented
and I know I haven't overstepped,
please see her incredible post
Beautiful Soul.

She is an extraordinary artist,
both in the traditional sense
and in her extraordinary ability with words.
She's also a most tender heart
and will be spearheading another shrine auction
again this year.
Stay tuned for details.

13 comments:

rebecca said...

meri...i am completely embraced with your care. thank you. who can know why some hang by a thread..and manage to weave a beautiful tapestry. and others sit firmly on a mountain of love, support and possibilities and feel completely and utterly
undone.
i hope every one will also read my post beautiful soul.
may we all walk our days with enough compassion to shine a light of hope in the lives of each person we touch.

beth said...

I don't know what to say...

a year ago a girlfriend did the same thing leaving behind a husband and 2 children...

for us it didn't make sense....

but for her it did...

~JarieLyn~ said...

What a beautiful tribute to your friend. One of my best friends did the same thing two years ago. It still haunts me now and then as to why.

Michelle Johnson said...

I'm sorry for your friends loss. It's a lot for one heart to hold. I skipped over to Beautiful Soul and read Rebecca's words. They were so touching as is this tribute you wrote for her nephew. May peace visit your hearts soon.

deb did it said...

Meri, your words are so beautiful so comforting. thank you for directing us to Rebecca.

elk said...

sorry meri, such painful moments~

Delwyn said...

Hello Meri

They say that taking your own life is a permanent measure for a temporary problem but obviously the person does not see that. They see no other options than the halt to emotional pain.


We have had spate of 4 teenage suicides in one school and the big message coming out is that it is not bullying her cyber taunts that are the cause, but instead the treatable illness of depression that needs to be identified and remedied.

You are a good support for your friend.

Happy days

China Moon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allegra Smith said...

Her soul is strong and true. As I told her, if we could only see through the veil to understand how a second can become an eternity. She can see the value of compassion and share her heart freely.
What a wonderful world this could be if compassion was the anchor to windward...

Jennifer said...

Meri, not only do you have an artist's eye, you have a poet's talent for words. I am so impressed by your ability to express your thoughts.

rebecca said...

oh meri...you and your faithful followers are so kind and compassionate..
if only i could inspire such avid response ...

tis a blessing.
xoxox,
r

Meri said...

Thanks, each and every one of you, for your heartfelt responses. And thanks as well for going to Rebecca's site and reading her beautiful words. It's such a tragedy when people who are depressed make the choice to kill themselves -- had they been able to abide with pain, the urge would likely have passed. Friends and family are always left wondering why,as well as feeling like they should have been able to see the signs and intervene. Such sadness!

georgia b. said...

i'm so sorry.