Meri's Musings

Let's face it: nobody's perfect. Each of us is a hot mess of contradictions. Sometimes patient and kind, sometimes snappish and irritable. Shadow and light. Light and shadow. Even our most cherished qualities have a negative side. For example, being loving and forgiving is generally seen as a positive thing. But, if inappropriately overdone, it can lead to enabling, becoming a doormat, turning the other cheek  when the offending party  has no interest in curbing his or her egregious behavior. And those negative parts of ourselves that we're critical of? Those bouts of aggravation  tell us our boundaries are being violated and we need to act. . . to confront someone's behavior  that violates our standards or threatens our self-esteem. Or to examine what is putting us on red alert in order  to see  whether we're reacting appropriately to a here-and-now violation  or whether so...

Too many little girls are taught to be nice to color inside the lines to squelch their anger to put others first always. But wholeness comes from integrating light and shadow. Anger signals boundary violations and the need to teach others  what is acceptable and what won't be tolerated. Putting others first all the damn time just makes us feel depleted  taken for granted and unimportant except as a functionary  for others. Be your WHOLE quirky beautiful self not some truncated, socially prescribed version of yourself.